Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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