Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
