Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
