dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
