It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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