Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You made out with two different species that night
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
