My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
