eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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