I hate your face
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
