is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
