do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
