She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
