I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
