That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
