just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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