Non-Jews are for practice
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
