I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
