Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
