your thong is hanging out like whoa
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize