So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
