apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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