just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
