i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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