why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
