Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
