I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
