You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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