I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The power of my boobs compel you
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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