This girl is more easily done than said...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
