Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
