i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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