Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
