One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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