what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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