that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Do you remember whose house we're in?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
