There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
