It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
NoShamevember. You game?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
