So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This is my life. Enjoy the view
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
