Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize