we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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