I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
