I just cut my nipple shaving
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
