So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
