I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
