his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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