If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
