I need help removing her.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
