Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
