Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
