I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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