So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
