Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
