I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
