Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
