You can't motorboat a personality
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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