I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
