Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I skipped work to stalk him.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
A+ Viking dick
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