I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
