Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
