So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
