Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize