god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
