how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
