He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
