Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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