I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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