i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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