I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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