Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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