I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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