is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
