the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
