She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
