i don't like sucking hair
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
FUCK WHALES
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