My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
