I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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