she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
