She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
