I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize