I accidentally had phone sex last night
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
