my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
