So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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