Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
